The Definition

As I continue on my journey, after my shows, after interviews, photo shoots and even gaining a sponsorship with Active Armor Nutrition, I find myself questioning the definition of this overwhelming feeling I have for what I need to accomplish. Deciding to take about a year off from competing, I must define what it is I plan to do with this time. Make it clear and precise so there are no questions asked, just actions taken.

Definition #1- The action of being saved from sin, error or evil.  
What error? 
What sin?
And what evil am I trying to save myself from?

THE ERROR. 
Feeling like I disappointed many and myself just because I didn't win a competition. I need to save myself from this feeling because not only does it suck to feel that way, but it’s also an unjustified feeling. As I do with competition prepping, I do with life. I put my all into the things I love and am passionate about--so at no point should I feel down on myself for not winning or for certain situations that don't go down the way I expected.  I will never feel this way again.

THE SIN
Ever thinking I shouldn't be doing what I love to do. For doubting my abilities and feeling as though I am not capable of the things I want to achieve in my lifetime. If anyone is going to believe in me and my passions, I need to believe in myself and it is an absolute sin to be fearful of what I can do.

THE EVIL. 
The external world and its ability to influence my mind, making me feel as though the errors and sins are in fact justified. It is amazing how many people out there want to see you fail or discourage you from doing what you love. Whether it is those who say I can’t reach the top of my competition without drug enhancements or those who say there are too many other girls who want the same thing I want, the evil is strongly present.  

Definition #2: The action of regaining or gaining possession of something. 

What possession do I wish to gain?

The answer is simple. I wish to gain possession of the best natural figure physique possible. Gain possession of all the successes I want and deserve.

It’s clear to me now that the answer lies within me.

There are many definitions for this feeling I have. But one word sums up what I plan to do; the influence and drive for me to take over whatever project that comes my way--every step I take bringing me closer to becoming the person I want to be, not only for myself but for all those I will eventually influence. 

REDEMPTION